Pictures of Progress

I got caught without my ear protection! I forgot to put the earmuff thingies back on, but still had the cotton balls in my ears.












My arms were burnin' good!























Scott got busy on this section after he got off work. I had to wait for him to get home to finish this section because I couldn't move the furniture out of the way.






















I found the masks to wear while painting...























White Walls! Hooray!

Should I Be Worried?

I was feeling my belly and said, "Little Girl, you are getting big!"

Kelly overheard me and said, "What did you say mom?"

So I explained to her that I was talking to the baby as I put her hand on my belly.

She looked at me and said, "Don't worry, I won't kill her."

"What!?!"

She smiled slyly. "I won't kill her."

Hmmmmm...where the heck did that come from?

Pregnancy and the Baby Room

Hemroids are a real pain in the ass...what is it with all the "extras" you get with pregnancy...is the aching back not enough? Is the rest supposed to feel like a bonus? Okay, it's not that bad right now, but it's getting harder to find a comfortable position to sleep in at night...but I just can't bring myself to buy one of those maternity sleeping pillows...not for 10 more weeks. I mean...what the heck am I going to do with it when I've had the baby? We already have too much junk in this house!

Scott and I finally went out to Lowe's today to get a Belt Sander. Getting this bedroom done is such an ordeal...I mean, every time we think we are about to get somewhere, something happens...like when I tried to order a dresser for the baby room the other day. JC Penney had a clearance section online and I found a cute dresser that would have matched the crib and that I could have used the top for a changing table for $99...originially sold for $500.

Would you believe I got all the way to the checkout, including providing my credit card info, and when I clicked submit order, I got a "The following items will not be delivered" message with my order? Scott suggested I call and order, so I called and the young man on the other end of the telephone told me that they had about 200 of these dressers in stock. I placed the same order, gave him my credit card number, elated that this was going to happen, when he said, "Oh, it says that this item is not available."

What the hell? Can't I get ANYTHING together for this baby room?

I broke down in tears today when we decided we were going to take the kids swimming and then head out to get some baby stuff...including the belt sander. I get to the pool, get the kids out of the van, and THUNDER.

The lifeguards blew their whistles and sent everyone home. We hadn't even made it through the entrance yet. Joshua did so good. He was about to cry, but he didn't (and only by his own will). I was proud of him because I could see how disappointed he was but he chose to have a good attitude about the situation. So Scott agreed to meet me at the house (we drove separate cars) and after I stopped for gas, we'd meet, load up in the van, and go run our errands.

I get to the gas station and it starts to POUR. Fortunately, the gas pumps were covered and I didn't get wet. Unfortunately, the first gas station I went to kept giving me a "Please see Cashier" message when it tried to process my card. Screw that. I'm not getting out in this rain.

So I went to another gas station on the way home and pumped my gas. The coverage wasn't AS good, but at least I didn't get soaked.

By the time I got home though, the roads were flooded. It wasn't pretty. We were under a Flash Flood Warning. Scott and I both knew it wouldn't be wise to drive out in this...if not for the flooding, for the morons who think their cars transform into boats when it rains.

So we went inside and did dinner...and I cried. This just SUCKS. I thought the night was over...as far as getting anything accomplished in that room.

I had a crazy moment and decided to go grab the KILZ and some paint supplies and painted a few green spots on the wall to see if it REALLY needed to be sanded down. Yup...wishful thinking. It definitely needs to be sanded down. GRRRRRRRR.

By the time I got done with that, Dwight reminded us he had his LAST karate class tonight. It stopped raining and it didn't look like we had any storm clouds nearby. The weather channel online didn't predict anything dangerous over the next few hours, so Scott took him to class and when he came home, we made a run for Lowe's. He went in, bought the Belt Sander, and dropped us off at home (had I known he was just going to run in, we would have stayed home, but we hadn't planned it out that far because we were originally going to rent and I was kind of taking over that task, making calls to The Home Depot as he was driving).

Finally, got the damn thing. Now tomorrow I can get to work. (Please God, make it rain like it did today). See...if it rains today, then maybe I can convince my kids that we CAN'T go anywhere and I can actually get some work done. I'm feeling pretty ambitious. If this sander works the way we think it will, I will be done by the end of the day. That's right...I'm working my butt off until I get it done...so I can get it painted and decorated by the end of the week. That's my goal, because I want to stop freaking out about this baby room and enjoy being pregnant!

This is why...

I did a little bit more research online after posting my thoughts on VBAC delivery and prayed that it would be clear what I should do.

The first site I came across was THIS. This couple shared their personal experience of a VBAC delivery gone tragic, and shared advice on how to handle the situation differently should a woman decide to pursue a VBAC delivery. After skimming through it, I was quickly reminded of the reasons why I opted NOT to take that chance. I couldn't even read all the details, their personal experience was just heart-breaking. This is why I'm not doing VBAC.

The 2nd site I found confirmed why I decided to do a repeat C-Section in the first place. The odds are low, but are they worth the risk? Is my life, or my baby's life worth the gamble?

I'd love to experience the kind of childbirth that women were intended to have. In fact, I'm still very sad about never getting to do this naturally, but the experience is not worth the risk of losing my baby.

VBAC vs C-Section

I am probably going to have my C-Section scheduled in August. Maybe even by my next appointment. But I hate the thought of going through that again.

I want so badly to do a VBAC birth. I don't know if it would be wise. My Dr. told me I am in the bottom percentile for having a successful VBAC delivery according to my last labor/delivery...
but my argument is they induced me a week early and my little Pacey was not ready to come out yet.

I've done research, and basically there are risks to both deliveries. C-Section, risks of infection...VBAC, risks of uterus collapsing. I don't know if I'm willing to risk (even though the percentage is small), the death of my baby or myself. At the same time, I don't know if I'm just taking these numbers and living in fear of what the "medical experts" have to say about it all.

I don't know, I don't know. I was fine until Scott came home last night and said his boss had a VBAC delivery. Then it got me to thinking about it all over again.

There is just something about going through the labor and natural delivery that really appeals to me...and I'm not sure what to do.

I feel like I'm settling with the C-Section, and I dread the recovery. C-Sections are painful and much harder to recover from...at least from what I've been told. It would be so nice to be able to have this kiddo and not have to be on pain meds for a couple weeks, going back in to have my incision checked, being limited on movement, feeling that awful pulling sensation from having my muscles cut through... I will admit though, that the baby would more than likely be born sooner and then my mom will be able to help me out more since she is flying in a few days before the C-Section is scheduled.

The thought of undergoing a hysterectomy sucks too though...or even worse...

Okay, I'm going to stop thinking about it all now...

Saturday

I had a couple people ask me Saturday night how much longer I have before the baby is born. Two people in two separate places. When I said I was due in September, I heard "Oh wow!" The second person, a man, said, "You are going to have a big baby!"

Thanks!

I've gained 27 lbs so far, and I have 11 1/2 weeks left.

So much for my 30 lb. weight gain goal...

Baby Happenings

It turns out the slime on the walls is going to take forever to get off. We've tried sanding and paint remover (nail polish remover actually works best)...but it will take WEEKS to get the damn stuff off...

So now we are trying to decide what the heck plan B is. I have about 11 weeks left to get the job done. Dr. is planning on doing the C-Section the 1st week of September. So I get to have the baby a week early (and I'm betting I'll be ready), she's getting strong and big and really likes her room. Last night we also discovered that she is ticklish. We were sitting down during a movie and Scott started tickling my belly where she was bulging out. She squirmed and squirmed, it was hilarious! Poor baby, she is going to be ticklish like her mommy and tortured by her daddy!

More Dreams...

I had a dream the other night that I was totally ticked off at my husband...okay, I was PISSED. I was cussing him out. I don't even remember why, but I was screaming the most vulgar language I know at him, and he didn't even care, which pissed me off more!

I woke up and thought, "Wow, I was MAD." Seriously, I've never said, "F--- You" to my husband, but now I have multiple times in my dreams!

Last night I had a dream that I had the baby. She was very fair skinned with orange hair. She looked nothing like Scott or myself. I kept looking at her and thinking, "She just isn't what I expected her to look like," and she didn't act anything like I expected either. She was hardly interested in me, like she was unattached. I couldn't get her to breastfeed for longer than a minute.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Fall Back

Today I let the boys watch the video of my ultrasound. We've been meaning to watch it for weeks...almost 10 weeks to be exact. I put the tape in and all I got was a weird static like screen. Oh great...it didn't record.

Scott who was working at home today, came in to help. He figured out the tape was just rewound so tight that it was moving. So he managed to get it loosened up by fast forwarding it and then we rewound it. About 15 minutes of fidgeting for 3 minutes of video. I thought the lady had recorded the whole thing, but no..........she edited it to simply the heartbeat, profile, gender shots, you know the basic stuff. I was actually wanting to look and see if I could figure out the cyst thing they were talking about finding on the baby's brain.

Nathanuel was really excited to see the video and asked to watch it again. So I rewound the 3 (or less) measly minutes of the 30 minute ultrasound that was actually recorded and hit play again.

I did get excited to see my little baby on the big screen though. I have to admit, I'm really starting to get excited about this little one, especially now that I'm hitting the third trimester. My fears and apprehension are starting to be replaced with excitment and anticipation...but a little voice inside me told me today, "don't get too excited. You don't want to get your hopes up just to be let down..."

Obviously, that wasn't a message from God. I don't believe he works that way, but something in me wants to be protected from the possibility that God may fail me. I know God is doing something in me right now with all that. But it's hard to trust. I keep reading Captivating and keep crying. This book is pushing me to take that next step, but I apologize to God. "Sorry, I just can't. Not yet. I'm not ready to trust you."

Saturday evening at church we had an awesome praise and worship. I sat there and closed my eyes and I heard THAT voice. The one you know isn't you. Someone greater than you is talking. "Fall back."

"huh?" I was feeling a bit slow. What the heck does that mean? Fall back?

I kept my eyes shut, and then I saw a picture of a woman falling back. She was standing there, calm, loose, and trusting...and she fell back. Then I saw the arms that caught her.

Ahhhhhh...I get it. When I was just a kid, I remember the youth pastor using that whole scenerio as an example of trust. Fall back and trust that the person behind you is going to catch you.

"So You are saying You want me to let You catch me." I tell God. I get it.

Yes, He wanted me to let Him catch me. And I saw the rest of the picture. The woman falling back, falling into those arms, and the arms dipping the woman's body in water and bringing her back up.

I've been baptized. I know what that's all about. But this was a bit different - this wasn't an issue of salvation or publicly proclaiming my love for Christ, burying the old and coming up new. He was speaking to me without words. He was using an image that would stick with me. If I'm willing to fall back, He will catch me, bury the old scared, untrusting me, and bring me back up refreshed, renewed, bold, and trusting.

I'd love to fall back, but I can't just yet. I'm not ready, but I feel like He's waiting patiently, coaxing me along. I'll keep reading Captivating, then I'll go back and read it again. First I just need to absorb the truth. Then I will be ready to speak it, walk in it. Maybe then I'll be ready.

I FEEL FAT

I probably wouldn't feel as bad if I weren't accumulating fat on my legs and arms (& probably butt), but I am, so

I feel fat!

Indigestion, Shopping, and Dreams

Oh the indigestion. It set in about the moment my morning sickness went away. Guess that's what I get for being short and short-waisted, leaving very little room for baby to get comfortable without making me uncomfortable!

Today I went to Destination Maternity in Charlotte. How cool. They had a play area for the kids right in front of the dressing rooms so I could try on clothes and peak out the curtains to check on the kids if needed. They had a sitting area for the dads too. Both areas had big screen tv's to keep them all occupied. :)

Fortunately for me, swimsuits were on sale. I didn't find one I was thrilled with. My legs look so fat and have so many dimples in them. YUCK. But I figure all the more reason to get them tanned. I will look for a skirt to cover up better somewhere else too. The top is cute though.

I also found a pair of jean shorts that SHOULD last through the rest of this pregnancy, as well as a comfortable nursing bra. The lady didn't seem to agree with me wanting a nursing bra right now, but that's what I wanted! I will have to get another one eventually, but for now, I'm good to go.

I picked up a baby name book too. I want to make sure we have the right name for this baby. I'm excited because we did come up with one more name we like. I really like it. We'll see what this little girl looks like though.

I couldn't help but overhear the lady next to me complaining of morning sickness. She was only 9 weeks pregnant. She was checking out later on when I approached her. "Are you the one who was 9 months pregnant in the dressing room next to me?"

"Well, I'm 9 WEEKS pregnant..."

Oh yes...there goes my brain again. It reminded me of the time I called the nurse's hotline and told her I was 14 months pregnant and she exclaimed I must certainly be ready to have this baby. Confused, she explained that I'm not an elephant, so I'm way overdue...

But anyway, I told her about the Preggie Pops and Preggie Pop drops. I just made a little bit of an extra sale for this store, but those preggie pops sure saved me. I remember twice going grocery shopping...about to hurl all over the tile floor (usually by the meat and seafood section) and fortunately I had those things with me in my purse (or diaper bag). I would have been in so much trouble otherwise.

I met another woman who was expecting her first...a boy, and he was a surprise baby. I think she will be so in love with that little boy once he is born. I was excited for her. She was a bit nervous about it all, but I assured her that kid would be the center of her world by the time he was born.

Last night I had a crazy dream. I shared it with my mom in an email...

Last night I had a dream that the baby was born. After I had her, I looked down and saw my incision and realized the Dr. cut me open much higher than last time so I was going to have two scars, one where anybody could see it if I wore a two piece. I was so upset. He told me that they accidentally put the template on my belly upside down, so that is why they ended up cutting so much higher. oops! (A template used to cut the incision! Wow!)

Then after looking at the baby I realized that I wasn't due for another 10 weeks. We didn't even have diapers. Oh my gosh! I had her too early. Scott was just like, 'Yeah, I went ahead and scheduled for you to go ahead and have her." (C-Section) I was so pissed off at him. I was telling him that I wasn't ready, we didn't even have a diaper bag or diapers! It was bad and I was so frustrated because I knew it would be weeks before I'd be up to driving around to getting stuff. Then with all my hormones going crazy, I just cried and was so upset and Scott was just like, "oh, it will be fine!"

I keep telling Scott that I'm feeling a bit anxious about not being ready for this baby yet...see...I'm even dreaming about it!

Naming Baby

My 9 year old son seems to think that he should have naming rights to this baby. It's cute, but a bit frustrating (although I don't show the frustration) when he gets his feelings hurt when I tell him that we aren't naming the baby Natalie or Alixandria (after his deceased brother).

He seems to have forgotten, although he's been told before, that Hannah's birth name was actually Alixandria and we changed it. Their biological parents seemed to think it was a fitting name after their deceased son, Nathanuel and Hannah's brother. After prayer and consideration, we opted to changed Hannah's name to Hannah because we were afraid that the news of her adoption plus the origin of her name would be somewhat hard on her, especially after finding out that her brother was beaten to death by his aunt because her parents were too hooked on drugs to take care of and protect their kids.

I suppose she will find out eventually, but we wanted to give her a new name to go with her new life.

Anyway, he seemed to think that this baby should be named after his brother. I explained why I thought it would be good not to do that. Then he suggested Natalie. I told her we probably weren't going to name her Natalie, but when he grows up, gets married, and has a baby, perhaps he and his wife could consider that name. The look on his face was utter disappointment. Today he kept saying, "Can I name the baby _______________." He really really thinks he should get to do this!

I've let him know we are open to suggestions...we'll see what else he comes up with!

Boys At Work

The boys were hard at work today sanding down the paint on the walls. They enjoyed it, believe it or not! Can't wait to get all this "slime" off the walls!

Just Joyce said...
Melissa....you look so cute!!! I love seeing pictures of you and the baby!Miss you!Aunt Joyce
11:52 AM

The Nursery

I ordered this bedding set a couple weeks ago. Tonight I surfed some sites that had the accessories and found the Wall decorations, clothes hamper, another valance (since the room has 2 windows), and mobile for the cheapest prices available. I'm so excited to get this stuff in! I didn't get the lamp or decorative pillow, or upholstered chair. I'm going to attempt to paint the lamp to match and I figured the pillow and chair weren't worth the extra $. Tomorrow I'm going to put the boys to work and have them help me sand the walls in the bedroom now. The lady who lived here before us painted Nickelodeon slime on all the walls for her son. We are going to have to sand it down a bit, KILZ it, then paint the walls. I'm going to go with an off white color, so I'm hoping it all looks okay. Then I'll just need a dresser and changing table to go in there and I think we'll be set! Woo hoo!

26 Weeks

She's Growing...

It's Never Too Late

I've been meaning to keep a journal of my pregnancy but I just somehow keep forgetting to, or when I post on my other blog, I tend to write about other things. So I decided to create a blog for this purpose.

At first I felt so guilty about not journaling from the very beginning that I was going to just not do anything, but I figured today, I'd regret it more if I just didn't journal ANYTHING because I was already feeling bad about starting so late. It is better late than never!

I may have some rather emotional entries, but hey...guess that's to be expected considering all the extra hormones. Somebody just needs to explain that to my husband now...