Contractions

I woke up several times last night...with contractions.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I can't do this! YOU can't do this to me! Although I admit once, the contraction was caused by a very good dream *wink* the rest were quite uncomfortable.

Today I decided to take it easy. Every time I got on my feet to do something, my belly got hard. She is also pushing out. She likes to push her body way out against my belly, so sometimes it's hard to tell what is going on.

I just need to make it until my mom gets in. She flies in Saturday night. I told Scott if I go into labor before the scheduled C-Section, I think I might just try to go natural. I may still end up with a C-Section, but if my body is ready to try, then I'll take it as a sign to at least try.

I guess I should finish packing my hospital bag...just in case...

Read At Your Own Risk

I’m totally blaming this on being in the very last stage of pregnancy…okay? Things get kind of…gross towards the end…

Yesterday my 5 year old embarrassed me. Thank God I wasn’t in public. We were sitting on the floor with my 10 yr. old and 3 year old feeling the baby move. All three had their hands on my belly as their little sister kicked and squirmed away.

Well, Joshua started to get bored and started rolling around on the floor. I was in the middle of a conversation with my 10 year old and didn’t even notice Joshua laying his head on the floor, right between my legs, which were sprawled out as I sat on the floor.

He sits up and says, “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWE, you stink down there!”

“WHAT?!?!” I asked, shocked, embarrassed, and in disbelief.

“You stink down there! Did you pee your pants?” He said asked as he tried to put his head back “down there.”

I stopped him. “Noooooo, you are not allowed to do that! You embarrassed me! You don't smell people there!”

He started giggling and said, “You are a dirty old pregnant lady!”

And I can't tell you how dirty I felt at that moment!

Too Much Caffeine

Anxiety is starting to decrease. Scott is really trying so hard to be supportive. I had a much better night of sleep even if someone called early in the a.m. when I was planning on sleeping in, to let me know I had a 10:00 meeting with our pastor. I couldn't go to sleep after that. I got about 6 hours of sleep minus the 4 trips to the bathroom. It ALMOST could count for sleepwalking though.

I didn't take a nap. After my meeting, which lasted nearly 2 hours, I picked Scott up and we took Joshua and Kelly to Tony's Pizza for lunch. This is where I feel guilty. I ordered a Diet Coke. Scott did too, so they brought a pitcher to the table so we could refill our glasses as needed, and I did.

Ummmmm...I think I drank too much caffeine...poor baby has been moving and squirming all day. I came home and started working on a project for the church, which I was determined to complete today since I have 2 weeks before the C-Section, and popped Hershey's kisses with almonds in my mouth as I worked on my laptop...great...sugar AND caffeine. I need to exhibit more self-control!

Yeah, she's kicking and squirming inside. It's all my fault! It's nearly 10 p.m., I've had NO nap, I didn't get my 8 hours of GOOD sleep, and I'M not even tired. GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!

Growing Pains

She's getting bigger. I know because I'm getting really uncomfortable. In fact, I woke up last night and no matter what position I was in, I was aching. It is getting hard to even roll over from one side to another. I also had to pee, every time I woke up. She's pushing on my bladder.

I forgot how uncomfortable the last few weeks are. Thank God for naps!

Icy Waters & Fighting Sharks

Had another dream last night...we were flying in the sky, on a cloud. Scott was in control, he was actually flying the cloud. I looked down and saw the icy seas below. He could tell I was getting nervous being up so high. "Do you want me to take it down? Would you like to get a closer look at the sea?"

"Yes." I said. I definitely did. Anything to be closer to the ground. But there was no ground...just icy waters.

This part of the dream is a bit foggy now that I'm awake, but I 'think' that we decided to jump in the water for a swim. I was reluctant at first. Icy water? But Scott convinced me that it felt so nice. I saw Joshua was in the water too, so I jumped in just in case he needed me to help him get out. The water slushed around our bodies, and for a minute, I did enjoy it. Joshua told me he was ready to get out.

Then I became aware of the threat of sharks. There were some "bottom feeder" sharks that I discovered loved to feed on human flesh. They were vicious and cruel. I remember going under water and finding them. I rushed back up to warn Scott. We had to get back on the cloud and fly away.

But we ended up fighting them, wrestling them with our bare hands, wondering if we were going to survive.

I don't remember any more of the dream, but I do feel there is some significance to it. I just wish I knew what it means. I've heard dreaming about large bodies of water has to do with pregnancy, but ICY waters???

Anxiety

Back when I used to have my monthly cycles, I would know it was coming because a night or so before it would hit, I'd be up at night thinking about worst-case scenerio situations that could happen to me or those I love. I literally have to tell myself to stop thinking, because most of my thoughts are not rational or even realistic, and they certainly don't put my trust in God, they just feed my fears.

Now that I have less than 4 weeks until this baby is going to be born, I'm doing it again. My hormones must really be going strong. For the first time in my life, I came close to feeling like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I was in bed thinking about decisions I've made, wondering if I'm screwing up my kids' lives. My heart started pounding faster and I had butterflies in my stomach that got so bad I thought I might throw up. For a second, I thought I was going to have to get out of bed...but that thought led me to believe I had to "get out of here."

Out of where? Where am I going to go?

The other night I was awake and thinking about the upcoming c-section. The thought of the epidural...not pleasant...then, the reality of how they perform a c-section. They are going to open up my body. Doesn't help that I've come across TWO articles about how easy it is for Surgeons to leave things in their patients' bodies, such as gauze, gloves, tools, etc. Oh gross.

So it's been bothering me. I wonder if they will have to drug me up to calm me down enough for this surgery. When I had to have my c-section last time, I was in labor for 27 hours, I'd pushed for 2-2.5 hours and by that point, I didn't care, I just wanted it overwith.

Now, I'm fully aware of everything going on. I'm not going to go in there exhausted like I was then. It makes me nervous.

One more dream to mention

Shortly after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had their baby, I had a dream that they showed up at our house. They decided they were going to stay with us.

And unlike many people would respond...we were not excited...we were worried.

Can you blame us?

We had no idea they were coming, and they didn't know us, so needless to say, Scott and I felt a bit strange about this arrangement. They stayed one night, basically going out, doing their thing, and then coming back to sleep. I do remember they wanted to spend some time w/ our kids and Nathanuel was full of questions...

So, we figured they were going to leave after that, right?

Wrong. They said they were going to stay longer.

How long? They didn't say.

So Scott and I started talking..."I don't even know if I have any food in the kitchen to feed them!" I said. "I don't even know what they like to eat!"

How long can we handle having these people in our house? I mean surely eventually if they don't leave it's going to get kind of old, right? Why are they staying with US? They don't even know us! They're rich, why aren't they staying in a more comfortable place?

These were all the questions we asked, and I woke up before they ever left!

Strange Dream

Last night I had a dream that I had a home delivery...it was quite unexpected, especially since my very own husband performed a C-Section in our home to deliver the baby! So I had my little girl and went to breast feed her and as I looked down, I realized it was actually Kelly I was breastfeeding. SHE was my baby...and she breastfed for about 5 minutes and wouldn't eat anymore.

So it turned out that as she got up and waddled off that I for some reason had to convince Kelly to eat in order for my baby to get the food she needed. I couldn't just stick the baby on my breast and feed her...noooooooooooooooo...I had to try to convince Kelly to breastfeed, and she just wasn't interested.

So as I was trying to figure out that dilemma, I also started to think about my surgery. I was waiting for the epidural to wear off and to start feeling the pain from the incision and it just wasn't happening...AND I was walking, so the epidural should have wore off by now, right?

Then the thought of my husband inserting that long needle in my back started to creep me out. He doesn't know how to do that! What was I thinking letting him do that? (forget that he actually performed the c-section, right?)

"Honey, did you give me an epidural when you did the c-section."

Oh good...he didn't...he just put me to sleep. That is why I couldn't remember the delivery!

So, it turned out that I never got the epidural and I was in no pain. I guess I wasn't going to feel any pain!

Oh...time to feed the baby...so that means I need to find Kelly who is wondering around in the crowd of young teenagers... "Kelly...where are you?"

So Much To Do...

So Little Time...















Finished painting the "baby room" and then ripped up the carpet/padding. Now the two little ones are sleeping in their toddler beds in our room. Scott started laying down the laminate flooring in one of the two remaining bedrooms. We're going to move all three boys in when it's done, move Kelly in the freshly painted room, then I get to start all over in the baby's room. Maybe I can talk Scott into painting it for me. I'm worn out.

I don't know how we are going to get everything done in the next 5 weeks. Seems near impossible. But there's no turning back now...