Contractions

I woke up several times last night...with contractions.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I can't do this! YOU can't do this to me! Although I admit once, the contraction was caused by a very good dream *wink* the rest were quite uncomfortable.

Today I decided to take it easy. Every time I got on my feet to do something, my belly got hard. She is also pushing out. She likes to push her body way out against my belly, so sometimes it's hard to tell what is going on.

I just need to make it until my mom gets in. She flies in Saturday night. I told Scott if I go into labor before the scheduled C-Section, I think I might just try to go natural. I may still end up with a C-Section, but if my body is ready to try, then I'll take it as a sign to at least try.

I guess I should finish packing my hospital bag...just in case...

Read At Your Own Risk

I’m totally blaming this on being in the very last stage of pregnancy…okay? Things get kind of…gross towards the end…

Yesterday my 5 year old embarrassed me. Thank God I wasn’t in public. We were sitting on the floor with my 10 yr. old and 3 year old feeling the baby move. All three had their hands on my belly as their little sister kicked and squirmed away.

Well, Joshua started to get bored and started rolling around on the floor. I was in the middle of a conversation with my 10 year old and didn’t even notice Joshua laying his head on the floor, right between my legs, which were sprawled out as I sat on the floor.

He sits up and says, “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWE, you stink down there!”

“WHAT?!?!” I asked, shocked, embarrassed, and in disbelief.

“You stink down there! Did you pee your pants?” He said asked as he tried to put his head back “down there.”

I stopped him. “Noooooo, you are not allowed to do that! You embarrassed me! You don't smell people there!”

He started giggling and said, “You are a dirty old pregnant lady!”

And I can't tell you how dirty I felt at that moment!

Too Much Caffeine

Anxiety is starting to decrease. Scott is really trying so hard to be supportive. I had a much better night of sleep even if someone called early in the a.m. when I was planning on sleeping in, to let me know I had a 10:00 meeting with our pastor. I couldn't go to sleep after that. I got about 6 hours of sleep minus the 4 trips to the bathroom. It ALMOST could count for sleepwalking though.

I didn't take a nap. After my meeting, which lasted nearly 2 hours, I picked Scott up and we took Joshua and Kelly to Tony's Pizza for lunch. This is where I feel guilty. I ordered a Diet Coke. Scott did too, so they brought a pitcher to the table so we could refill our glasses as needed, and I did.

Ummmmm...I think I drank too much caffeine...poor baby has been moving and squirming all day. I came home and started working on a project for the church, which I was determined to complete today since I have 2 weeks before the C-Section, and popped Hershey's kisses with almonds in my mouth as I worked on my laptop...great...sugar AND caffeine. I need to exhibit more self-control!

Yeah, she's kicking and squirming inside. It's all my fault! It's nearly 10 p.m., I've had NO nap, I didn't get my 8 hours of GOOD sleep, and I'M not even tired. GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!

Growing Pains

She's getting bigger. I know because I'm getting really uncomfortable. In fact, I woke up last night and no matter what position I was in, I was aching. It is getting hard to even roll over from one side to another. I also had to pee, every time I woke up. She's pushing on my bladder.

I forgot how uncomfortable the last few weeks are. Thank God for naps!

Icy Waters & Fighting Sharks

Had another dream last night...we were flying in the sky, on a cloud. Scott was in control, he was actually flying the cloud. I looked down and saw the icy seas below. He could tell I was getting nervous being up so high. "Do you want me to take it down? Would you like to get a closer look at the sea?"

"Yes." I said. I definitely did. Anything to be closer to the ground. But there was no ground...just icy waters.

This part of the dream is a bit foggy now that I'm awake, but I 'think' that we decided to jump in the water for a swim. I was reluctant at first. Icy water? But Scott convinced me that it felt so nice. I saw Joshua was in the water too, so I jumped in just in case he needed me to help him get out. The water slushed around our bodies, and for a minute, I did enjoy it. Joshua told me he was ready to get out.

Then I became aware of the threat of sharks. There were some "bottom feeder" sharks that I discovered loved to feed on human flesh. They were vicious and cruel. I remember going under water and finding them. I rushed back up to warn Scott. We had to get back on the cloud and fly away.

But we ended up fighting them, wrestling them with our bare hands, wondering if we were going to survive.

I don't remember any more of the dream, but I do feel there is some significance to it. I just wish I knew what it means. I've heard dreaming about large bodies of water has to do with pregnancy, but ICY waters???

Anxiety

Back when I used to have my monthly cycles, I would know it was coming because a night or so before it would hit, I'd be up at night thinking about worst-case scenerio situations that could happen to me or those I love. I literally have to tell myself to stop thinking, because most of my thoughts are not rational or even realistic, and they certainly don't put my trust in God, they just feed my fears.

Now that I have less than 4 weeks until this baby is going to be born, I'm doing it again. My hormones must really be going strong. For the first time in my life, I came close to feeling like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I was in bed thinking about decisions I've made, wondering if I'm screwing up my kids' lives. My heart started pounding faster and I had butterflies in my stomach that got so bad I thought I might throw up. For a second, I thought I was going to have to get out of bed...but that thought led me to believe I had to "get out of here."

Out of where? Where am I going to go?

The other night I was awake and thinking about the upcoming c-section. The thought of the epidural...not pleasant...then, the reality of how they perform a c-section. They are going to open up my body. Doesn't help that I've come across TWO articles about how easy it is for Surgeons to leave things in their patients' bodies, such as gauze, gloves, tools, etc. Oh gross.

So it's been bothering me. I wonder if they will have to drug me up to calm me down enough for this surgery. When I had to have my c-section last time, I was in labor for 27 hours, I'd pushed for 2-2.5 hours and by that point, I didn't care, I just wanted it overwith.

Now, I'm fully aware of everything going on. I'm not going to go in there exhausted like I was then. It makes me nervous.

One more dream to mention

Shortly after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had their baby, I had a dream that they showed up at our house. They decided they were going to stay with us.

And unlike many people would respond...we were not excited...we were worried.

Can you blame us?

We had no idea they were coming, and they didn't know us, so needless to say, Scott and I felt a bit strange about this arrangement. They stayed one night, basically going out, doing their thing, and then coming back to sleep. I do remember they wanted to spend some time w/ our kids and Nathanuel was full of questions...

So, we figured they were going to leave after that, right?

Wrong. They said they were going to stay longer.

How long? They didn't say.

So Scott and I started talking..."I don't even know if I have any food in the kitchen to feed them!" I said. "I don't even know what they like to eat!"

How long can we handle having these people in our house? I mean surely eventually if they don't leave it's going to get kind of old, right? Why are they staying with US? They don't even know us! They're rich, why aren't they staying in a more comfortable place?

These were all the questions we asked, and I woke up before they ever left!

Strange Dream

Last night I had a dream that I had a home delivery...it was quite unexpected, especially since my very own husband performed a C-Section in our home to deliver the baby! So I had my little girl and went to breast feed her and as I looked down, I realized it was actually Kelly I was breastfeeding. SHE was my baby...and she breastfed for about 5 minutes and wouldn't eat anymore.

So it turned out that as she got up and waddled off that I for some reason had to convince Kelly to eat in order for my baby to get the food she needed. I couldn't just stick the baby on my breast and feed her...noooooooooooooooo...I had to try to convince Kelly to breastfeed, and she just wasn't interested.

So as I was trying to figure out that dilemma, I also started to think about my surgery. I was waiting for the epidural to wear off and to start feeling the pain from the incision and it just wasn't happening...AND I was walking, so the epidural should have wore off by now, right?

Then the thought of my husband inserting that long needle in my back started to creep me out. He doesn't know how to do that! What was I thinking letting him do that? (forget that he actually performed the c-section, right?)

"Honey, did you give me an epidural when you did the c-section."

Oh good...he didn't...he just put me to sleep. That is why I couldn't remember the delivery!

So, it turned out that I never got the epidural and I was in no pain. I guess I wasn't going to feel any pain!

Oh...time to feed the baby...so that means I need to find Kelly who is wondering around in the crowd of young teenagers... "Kelly...where are you?"

So Much To Do...

So Little Time...















Finished painting the "baby room" and then ripped up the carpet/padding. Now the two little ones are sleeping in their toddler beds in our room. Scott started laying down the laminate flooring in one of the two remaining bedrooms. We're going to move all three boys in when it's done, move Kelly in the freshly painted room, then I get to start all over in the baby's room. Maybe I can talk Scott into painting it for me. I'm worn out.

I don't know how we are going to get everything done in the next 5 weeks. Seems near impossible. But there's no turning back now...

Third Trimester Woes

It hit, it's here.

I'm uncomfortable and extremely tired. Everything I wanted to get done before this stage hit, is pretty much still waiting to be done.

"Baby room" is painted. Finally. Finished it Sunday. It should have only taken about 2 1/2 hours, but it took closer to 6. I needed more breaks. I was so tired of painting that stupid room. But we can celebrate because Nickalodeon green slime, and the bright orange and white logo is no longer dominating the walls.

If it weren't for my husband's brilliant ideas, we'd still be calling this finished room, "The baby room", but nooooooooooooooooooooo, he had to go thinking about our current living arrangement and suggested moving all the kids around, giving Dwight his own room, putting Joshua and Patrick in a room, and baby and Kelly in another.

Now, this wasn't all that brilliant, Kelly with the baby? No way. I wouldn't do that for a million dollars. The two would make each other miserable waking each other up, then I'd have two cranky butts to deal with, which would make me the third cranky butt. No, I think not. But...it got me to thinking, Joshua would love to room in with his big brothers, if we moved the boys into the room he and Kelly share...well, the baby could have the older boy's room, which is the smallest room and the one closest to the master bedroom. Kelly could have the newly painted room and we could keep the full-sized bed in there for guests. Now that might just work!

So we went out and got a bunk bed at BJ's warehouse type store Saturday. For $200 it's made of solid wood and has rails on all sides, with a small opening to climb up and down. Doesn't match the other bunk bed really, but it is made of wood too, so I think it will work.

Scott has been hard at work trying to finish up the laminate flooring project we started last fall. Yeah, it's been almost a year and still haven't finished. Last night Dwight and I ripped up the majority of the carpet/padding in the "used-to-be-baby-room." This should be the easiest room by far to install the flooring, but it's the biggest room after the master room. Then we'll just have bathrooms.

Wow, am I mumbling about rooms or what? It's because I'm a zombie. I actually took a nap today after taking Dwight to his Neurology appointment. I managed to keep myself up until a little after noon, long enough to eat lunch. Then I went in my room and cried my emotional eyeballs out...hormones are strong and I'm dealing with some issues right now I'm struggling internally on trying to resolve. What to do, what to do? Have a good cry. Yeah, that helps...a little. Now...I can sleep...for about two hours.

I got up at three and made some preparations for our trip to Myrtle Beach. Kennel arrangments for the dogs, another appointment to get my van fixed now that the parts are in, yada yada yada. Then I sat there for about an hour...

Scott suggested we go out for dinner. Works for me. So we went to a local pizza place and ate, went home, and two hours later I'm trying to figure out how I can possibly convince my 3 and 5 year old into going to bed early. Yeah, not going to happen. 30 more minutes and I'm waking my husband, who's been napping for over an hour now, to let him know it's definitely bed time.

Then I'll go upstairs, try to find a comfortable position to sleep in, get up to go pee about 5 times, but when I do sleep, I'll sleep hard. 6 more weeks...and counting down.

Preganancy According to a 6 Year Old

I was getting onto one of the kids for pouting today. I said, "You can pout, but you really should figure out quick that pouting doesn't work with me. The rules stay the same."

Naomi said,"Yeah, I can tell because you are pregnant!"

I had to stifle a laugh...I mean...this girl is TOO smart! She's only what, 5??? and she's got the pregnancy hormones thing all figured out. It was just too much!

But I did explain to her that I really am THAT crazy all the time, not just when I'm pregnant!

30 Weeks...

I have 9 weeks left and I feel gi-normouos! But would you believe some days I feel skinnier than others? I think she was especially sticking out this day - Wednesday...

I have to go now, she's pushing at the top of my belly,which is pressing her head against my bladder and if I don't empty my bladder soon, she is going to do it for me!

Oh yes, and the stretch marks are from my previous pregnancy...when I was about 30 lbs heavier!

Pictures of Progress

I got caught without my ear protection! I forgot to put the earmuff thingies back on, but still had the cotton balls in my ears.












My arms were burnin' good!























Scott got busy on this section after he got off work. I had to wait for him to get home to finish this section because I couldn't move the furniture out of the way.






















I found the masks to wear while painting...























White Walls! Hooray!

Should I Be Worried?

I was feeling my belly and said, "Little Girl, you are getting big!"

Kelly overheard me and said, "What did you say mom?"

So I explained to her that I was talking to the baby as I put her hand on my belly.

She looked at me and said, "Don't worry, I won't kill her."

"What!?!"

She smiled slyly. "I won't kill her."

Hmmmmm...where the heck did that come from?

Pregnancy and the Baby Room

Hemroids are a real pain in the ass...what is it with all the "extras" you get with pregnancy...is the aching back not enough? Is the rest supposed to feel like a bonus? Okay, it's not that bad right now, but it's getting harder to find a comfortable position to sleep in at night...but I just can't bring myself to buy one of those maternity sleeping pillows...not for 10 more weeks. I mean...what the heck am I going to do with it when I've had the baby? We already have too much junk in this house!

Scott and I finally went out to Lowe's today to get a Belt Sander. Getting this bedroom done is such an ordeal...I mean, every time we think we are about to get somewhere, something happens...like when I tried to order a dresser for the baby room the other day. JC Penney had a clearance section online and I found a cute dresser that would have matched the crib and that I could have used the top for a changing table for $99...originially sold for $500.

Would you believe I got all the way to the checkout, including providing my credit card info, and when I clicked submit order, I got a "The following items will not be delivered" message with my order? Scott suggested I call and order, so I called and the young man on the other end of the telephone told me that they had about 200 of these dressers in stock. I placed the same order, gave him my credit card number, elated that this was going to happen, when he said, "Oh, it says that this item is not available."

What the hell? Can't I get ANYTHING together for this baby room?

I broke down in tears today when we decided we were going to take the kids swimming and then head out to get some baby stuff...including the belt sander. I get to the pool, get the kids out of the van, and THUNDER.

The lifeguards blew their whistles and sent everyone home. We hadn't even made it through the entrance yet. Joshua did so good. He was about to cry, but he didn't (and only by his own will). I was proud of him because I could see how disappointed he was but he chose to have a good attitude about the situation. So Scott agreed to meet me at the house (we drove separate cars) and after I stopped for gas, we'd meet, load up in the van, and go run our errands.

I get to the gas station and it starts to POUR. Fortunately, the gas pumps were covered and I didn't get wet. Unfortunately, the first gas station I went to kept giving me a "Please see Cashier" message when it tried to process my card. Screw that. I'm not getting out in this rain.

So I went to another gas station on the way home and pumped my gas. The coverage wasn't AS good, but at least I didn't get soaked.

By the time I got home though, the roads were flooded. It wasn't pretty. We were under a Flash Flood Warning. Scott and I both knew it wouldn't be wise to drive out in this...if not for the flooding, for the morons who think their cars transform into boats when it rains.

So we went inside and did dinner...and I cried. This just SUCKS. I thought the night was over...as far as getting anything accomplished in that room.

I had a crazy moment and decided to go grab the KILZ and some paint supplies and painted a few green spots on the wall to see if it REALLY needed to be sanded down. Yup...wishful thinking. It definitely needs to be sanded down. GRRRRRRRR.

By the time I got done with that, Dwight reminded us he had his LAST karate class tonight. It stopped raining and it didn't look like we had any storm clouds nearby. The weather channel online didn't predict anything dangerous over the next few hours, so Scott took him to class and when he came home, we made a run for Lowe's. He went in, bought the Belt Sander, and dropped us off at home (had I known he was just going to run in, we would have stayed home, but we hadn't planned it out that far because we were originally going to rent and I was kind of taking over that task, making calls to The Home Depot as he was driving).

Finally, got the damn thing. Now tomorrow I can get to work. (Please God, make it rain like it did today). See...if it rains today, then maybe I can convince my kids that we CAN'T go anywhere and I can actually get some work done. I'm feeling pretty ambitious. If this sander works the way we think it will, I will be done by the end of the day. That's right...I'm working my butt off until I get it done...so I can get it painted and decorated by the end of the week. That's my goal, because I want to stop freaking out about this baby room and enjoy being pregnant!

This is why...

I did a little bit more research online after posting my thoughts on VBAC delivery and prayed that it would be clear what I should do.

The first site I came across was THIS. This couple shared their personal experience of a VBAC delivery gone tragic, and shared advice on how to handle the situation differently should a woman decide to pursue a VBAC delivery. After skimming through it, I was quickly reminded of the reasons why I opted NOT to take that chance. I couldn't even read all the details, their personal experience was just heart-breaking. This is why I'm not doing VBAC.

The 2nd site I found confirmed why I decided to do a repeat C-Section in the first place. The odds are low, but are they worth the risk? Is my life, or my baby's life worth the gamble?

I'd love to experience the kind of childbirth that women were intended to have. In fact, I'm still very sad about never getting to do this naturally, but the experience is not worth the risk of losing my baby.

VBAC vs C-Section

I am probably going to have my C-Section scheduled in August. Maybe even by my next appointment. But I hate the thought of going through that again.

I want so badly to do a VBAC birth. I don't know if it would be wise. My Dr. told me I am in the bottom percentile for having a successful VBAC delivery according to my last labor/delivery...
but my argument is they induced me a week early and my little Pacey was not ready to come out yet.

I've done research, and basically there are risks to both deliveries. C-Section, risks of infection...VBAC, risks of uterus collapsing. I don't know if I'm willing to risk (even though the percentage is small), the death of my baby or myself. At the same time, I don't know if I'm just taking these numbers and living in fear of what the "medical experts" have to say about it all.

I don't know, I don't know. I was fine until Scott came home last night and said his boss had a VBAC delivery. Then it got me to thinking about it all over again.

There is just something about going through the labor and natural delivery that really appeals to me...and I'm not sure what to do.

I feel like I'm settling with the C-Section, and I dread the recovery. C-Sections are painful and much harder to recover from...at least from what I've been told. It would be so nice to be able to have this kiddo and not have to be on pain meds for a couple weeks, going back in to have my incision checked, being limited on movement, feeling that awful pulling sensation from having my muscles cut through... I will admit though, that the baby would more than likely be born sooner and then my mom will be able to help me out more since she is flying in a few days before the C-Section is scheduled.

The thought of undergoing a hysterectomy sucks too though...or even worse...

Okay, I'm going to stop thinking about it all now...

Saturday

I had a couple people ask me Saturday night how much longer I have before the baby is born. Two people in two separate places. When I said I was due in September, I heard "Oh wow!" The second person, a man, said, "You are going to have a big baby!"

Thanks!

I've gained 27 lbs so far, and I have 11 1/2 weeks left.

So much for my 30 lb. weight gain goal...

Baby Happenings

It turns out the slime on the walls is going to take forever to get off. We've tried sanding and paint remover (nail polish remover actually works best)...but it will take WEEKS to get the damn stuff off...

So now we are trying to decide what the heck plan B is. I have about 11 weeks left to get the job done. Dr. is planning on doing the C-Section the 1st week of September. So I get to have the baby a week early (and I'm betting I'll be ready), she's getting strong and big and really likes her room. Last night we also discovered that she is ticklish. We were sitting down during a movie and Scott started tickling my belly where she was bulging out. She squirmed and squirmed, it was hilarious! Poor baby, she is going to be ticklish like her mommy and tortured by her daddy!

More Dreams...

I had a dream the other night that I was totally ticked off at my husband...okay, I was PISSED. I was cussing him out. I don't even remember why, but I was screaming the most vulgar language I know at him, and he didn't even care, which pissed me off more!

I woke up and thought, "Wow, I was MAD." Seriously, I've never said, "F--- You" to my husband, but now I have multiple times in my dreams!

Last night I had a dream that I had the baby. She was very fair skinned with orange hair. She looked nothing like Scott or myself. I kept looking at her and thinking, "She just isn't what I expected her to look like," and she didn't act anything like I expected either. She was hardly interested in me, like she was unattached. I couldn't get her to breastfeed for longer than a minute.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.